If you want to influence others, be ye first influenced.
Find the value in the differences between yourself and other people. Treat people who respectfully disagree with you with matching respect. One way to show great respect to someone who disagrees with you is to say, "Good! You see differently." You don't have to agree with the other person, but you can affirm that they have a valid opinion. You can seek to understand that opinion. In seeking to understand the opinion, you will be influenced. Once the other person sees that you respect them and their sovereign right to their opinion, you have demonstrated your openness to their influence, and they become open to your influence.
Two people who have the same opinion are redundant. You will not learn anything new when you attempt to argue with someone who has the same beliefs and sees things the same way you do. I don't want to communicate with someone who agrees with me. I want to have conversations with people who see things differently, who have a different viewpoint. I truly value the difference. When I become aware of a difference in perception, I inwardly say, "Good!" I ask questions so that the other person can help me see with their eyes.
The more deeply you understand other people, the more you'll appreciate them, and the more you'll respect them. When you deeply understand another person’s viewpoint, you are influenced, and have earned the right to influence them in return. Touching the soul of another human being is like walking on holy ground.
Goethe teaches us that if we treat a man as he is, that is how he will remain. "Treat a man as he can be, and should be, and he will become as he can and should be."
Your actual conduct, the example you set, is the real key to your influence with me. Your actual conduct, as it flows naturally from your character and demeanor, demonstrates what kind of person you truly are. Your actions do speak louder than your words, what others say you are, or what you may want me to believe you are. How I actually experience you is how I come to instinctively trust or distrust what you do and how you do it with me. Your character is constantly communicating.
Articles in This Series
Articles in This Series
Influence
Find the value in the differences between yourself and other people. Treat people who respectfully disagree with you with matching respect. One way to show great respect to someone who disagrees with you is to say, "Good! You see differently." You don't have to agree with the other person, but you can affirm that they have a valid opinion. Read More
Leaders Influence
Leaders Influence. Managers must think and be leaders, but leaders do not have to be managers. To be a leader you must influence people to take action, take action in the way you want them to take action, and finally take sustained action that is sufficient to get the job done. Read More
Why Influence Matters
How can power be soft? The term soft power is typically considered a political term, used often to describe international politics and the way nations and other actors—such as non-governmental organizations, institutions, and people—behave. Read More
The Influence Game
Influence is a soft power. With the right kind of influence, and a skilled hand wielding it, a manager or executive can appear to be lucky. Properly wielding influence allows great managers to become great leaders. Read More
The Influence Game: How to Tell How Much Clout Somebody Really Has
All of us have gotten into competitions with other department heads or managers. It can be as simple as a two-person fight for a single promotion, or as complicated as a political struggle to increase staffing during tough economic times. Read More
Influence with Action, Not Argument
I know someone who attempts to engage his friends in political arguments. He bemoans the fact that his political worldview is different from that of his friends. Read More
The Influence Game: Fight Intimidation by Spotting Deceitful People
While it is important to solidify your power and build a political network within your organization, always be aware of the downside of becoming a target of carping by the envious. Envious and malicious people often attempt to intimidate you. Read More
An Attitude of Influence
Things happen to us for a reason, and 99 percent of the time the reason is ourselves. How often do you blame failure on yourself? If you're being deadly honest, you might feel little shame. Whose fault was it when you overslept? Read More
The Influence Game: When to Use Your Influence
A false sense of comfort can be your greatest enemy in the workplace. While you may think that you work with a group of adults, inside every one of those supposed grown-ups is an immature jerk. False comfort will blind you to the warning signs that someone is planning a setback for you. Read More
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